Benny Bell

Oh, how I loves this guy. I suspect he has passed on (can't confirm this but I first heard him more than thirty years ago on Dr. Demento, and he was old then).

So Ricki very kindly linked to me and Joel, specifically to posts about The Great and Powerful Homer and Jethro. And she makes reference to (and embeds a video of) the Great Benny Bell.

My Goodness, how funny that guy is. Brevity may be the soul of wit, but subtlety is its heart. And Benny was the epitome of subtle wit (and double entendres).

Anyway, I can't seem to find any Benny Bell vids on Youtube except "Shaving Cream" and its backside. So in the absence of the turntable I want that translates vinyl into computerese, here are lyrics of some of my favorite Benny Bell songs, stolen from here (I meant to correct them to what I remember the lyrics as, but not enough time, got dinner to make).

Humoresque in C Major

We went strolling through the park
Goosing statues in the dark
If Sherman's horse can take it why can't you?
Buffalo Bill, alas alack,
We pinched his nose and scratched his back
If Buffalo Bill can take it why can't you?

When we fooled with Atlas, covered him with a mattress,
Hung a tie on Caesar's fly, oh boy what fun
And on Greeley's daughter we put a bucket of water,
One good turn deserves another, that is why...

We strolled again into the park
And goosed the statues in the dark
If Robin Hood can take it why can't you?
Sitting Bull he didn't grin
When I hung whiskers on his chin
If Sitting Bull can take it why can't you?

Then we fooled with Atlas, covered him with a mattress,
Hung a tie on Caesar's fly, oh boy what fun
And on Greeley's daughter we put a bucket of water,
One good turn deserves another, that is why...

We'll stroll again into the park
And goose the statues in the dark
If Joan of Arc can take it why can't you?
Buffalo Bill next time I pass
I'll stick my finger in his eye :-)
If Buffalo Bill can take it why can't you?

The Tattooed Lady

Oh listen to my story boys, I need your sympathy,
The tattooed lady in the circus fell in love with me
And to prove her love is sweet like sugar cane toddy
She had my picture tattooed on her body...

She has the landing of the Pilgrims on her shoulder,
And on her back she has a sunset and the West,
And beside her dimpled knees
She has two great big apple trees,
And the Pyramids look real upon her chest :-)
When she decided that she'd like to add my picture,
She simply could not find a vacant spot you see,
So she tattooed my poor face
In the most peculiar place,
Now whenever she sits down, she sits on me!

She has a small gardenia tattooed on her elbow,
And on her hip she has a lovely Queen of May,
And underneath her shapely spine,
If you look close O pal of mine
You'll see the Mississippi River all the way.
She has a rusty hinge that's tattooed on her kneecap
It looks so real it squeaks each time she bends her knee,
But she filled me with disgrace
When she added my poor face,
For whenever she sits down she sits on me.

Now do you wonder why I look so sad and worried,
And do you wonder why my head is bending low?
Sometimes I'd like to take a chance
And give her a swift kick in the pants
But if I do I'd only kick myself I know.
The only time that anyone can see my picture,
Is when the tattooed lady takes a bath, oh gee,
I get black and blue of course
Every time she rides a horse...ouch...
'Cause whenever she sits down she sits on me!

A Goose For My Girl

I used to worry when Thanksgiving day was near,
What can I give my girl to fill her heart with cheer
But I solved that problem, I'm a clever boy,
I know exactly how to fill her heart with joy...

I'm gonna give my girl a goose for Thanksgiving
It won't surprise her since I did it once before,
She jumps just like the Deuce
Every time she gets a goose
Perhaps I ought to give her two or more
I wish I could afford to buy her a turkey,
But turkeys cost so much and I'm out of work you see,
So I'll just give my girl a goose,
A good old-fashioned goose,
I wish someone would do the same for me.

I'm gonna give my girl a goose for Thanksgiving
My friends all tell me that the plan is very smart,
In fact her Daddy said to me
Very confidentially,
That's just the way he won her mama's heart.
So if you want to make your darling feel happy
Then take a tip from me and do the same thing too,
Go on and give your girl a goose
A nice soft tender goose
And you'll discover if her love is true.
I don't mean gander,
A good old-fashioned goose will do.

And one of my all-time favorites:

Jack Of All Trades

I used to work in Toledo, in a department store,
I used to work in Toledo, I did but I don't anymore.
A lady came in for candy, we sold it in that store,
Kisses she wanted, kiss her I did,
That's why I'm not there anymore.

I used to work in New Haven, in a department store,
I used to work in New Haven, I did but I don't anymore.
A lady came in with a can for gas, we sold it in that store,
I whispered "Ma'am you've got some can!"
That's why I'm not there anymore.

I used to work in Milwaukee, in a department store,
I used to work in Milwaukee, I did but I don't anymore.
A lady came in to our butcher shop, we had one in the store,
A goose she wanted, a goose she got
That's why I'm not there anymore.

I used to work in Waukegan,in a department store,
I used to work in Waukegan, I did but I don't anymore.
A lady came in for a pinch of salt, we had some in the store,
A pinch she wanted, a pinch she got
That's why I'm not there anymore.

I used to work in New Jersey, in a department store,
I used to work in New Jersey, I did but I don't anymore.
A lady came in for a felt hat, we had them in the store,
Felt she wanted, felt she got
That's why I'm not there anymore.

I used to work in Manhattan, in a department store,
I used to work in Manhattan, I did but I don't anymore.
A lady came in for golf balls, we sold them in the store,
Balls she wanted, (slide whistle up)
That's why I'm not there anymore.

Name that Movie!

Ah yes, another version. I had a different title for the post but that would have given it away too quickly. Anyway, this movie popped into my head this afternoon for no good reason. Well, actually there was a reason, but if I say it or link to it, it would be far too easy also.

Anyhoo, identify one of the funniest movies I've ever seen:

"I know what you're thinking... and you ought to be ashamed of yourself."

"There's nothing more inconvenient than an old queen with a head cold."

"Who the hell does he think he is?"
"The French middle weight boxing champ. But don't worry, he's gay."

"What will you have?"
[pause] "Milk."
"Cow's milk, monsier? Or mother's milk?"
"How about your sister's."

And if you haven't gotten it from the gimmes above, here's the one I considered using for the post title:

"COCKROACH!"

Homer and Jethro

Oh my goodness, they rock. Unfortunately, I couldn't find the one I was looking for ("Like Mother Used to Make") but Joel posted, so how could I do no less? It was one of the tunes they "had little or no success with" even though it was released on "a long-playing cylinder many years ago." Yes, it's a funny line and "you look clean but you laugh dirty" so we will forgive you.



Oh, and here's a link to another good one. A lot of early filler on that one, so scroll ahead to H&J on stage.

Postscript: I actually have on vinyl ("vie-null" for you kids out there) a Steve Goodman album with the original version of this excellent song. It also has Steve's version of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" with Jethro Burns playing some OUT-FREAKIN'-STANDING mandolin. Unfortunately, it is apparently NOT available on youtube. Someday when I have the right turntable, perhaps I can rip it and post it, along with "Like Mother Used to Make" if I can ever locate a copy of it...

One last thing before I eat dinner then crash

So in the short time since this post, I've been getting more and more excited to see Bridge on the River Kwai. So I called around, and this evening I picked up a copy at a Borders on the way home from work. Paid about three times what I'd wanted to, which sets back the handloading a bit, but whaddya gonna do?

Now I just need to find time to, you know, watch it.

A partial genealogical success

But only very partial and I haven't moved it further yet. I have a boatload of pictures I'm sorting through and there are several faces that keep cropping up. Sadly, both sides of the family seem to have the "don't write on the backs of the pictures just to drive Ken crazy" gene.

A couple of nights ago I came across one with my Grandma and my Mom (about age three, at a guess) and some faces I recognized from other pictures. At least, they look very much like the same folks (who were together in other pictures) at later ages. They are almost certainly relatives of my Grandma.

The best part? IT HAD NAMES ON THE BACK!

My enthusiasm was somewhat curbed as I searched the 'net for these names, especially at Ancestry.com. I could not find them. All of these folks are women, and almost certainly the names are married names. But it's a start!

I just wish I'd sorted through these pictures while Mom and Auntie were still around.

That's different

We're all used to telemarketers calling at ridiculous times. Here's a new one, to me at least.

I have a standing meeting I run* on Thursdays. We have some folks from another facility who normally call into the speaker-phone in the conference room to participate. These folks declined today, citing a conflicting meeting at their facility. So as I was logging into the conference room computer to pull up the meeting agenda and such, I was pleasantly surprised that the phone rang. I thought, "Hey, maybe their meeting got cancelled and they can participate."

No such luck.

I answered the phone and a recorded voice said something along the lines of "The extended warranty on your car is about to expire. This is the second time we've called to notify you. You don't want to drive around without a warranty. Press 1 to speak to a representative."

And I so desperately wanted to press 1 just to fuck with their heads. But I had a meeting to run.

* It's true. I run one (actually, more than one) of these meetings. I was ordered to do so, so I do it. Beats poverty.

Quote Parody of the day

And so very well-played, Ricki! Kudos and more kudos!

Another Quote of the Day

Actually, it's more of a request for information. A few months back, among the several posts in various places (including Volokh.com) I came across a great quote about Herbert Hoover's progressive policies that exacerbated the economic turndown of 1929, and the subsequent deepening of the depression by FDR's fiscal policies (and not just the New Deal).

With the recent stimulus thievery package, it has again popped into my head. So I'm trying unsuccessfully to find it again. The quote went something like this:

Hoover turned it into a Depression, but FDR made it Great.

Anybody remember it? Shoot me a line or drop a comment.

Quote of the Day

From the Puppy Blender:

At our house, we’ve lived within our means and saved instead of borrowed. The likely result? We’re suckers who’ll be taxed to bail out people who borrowed instead of saved.

Oh, just bend over and take it, fascist pig.

Soliciting opinions, por favor

Any of you cinemaphiles out there who have seen it, please weigh in.

For many years now I've been planning to someday see Bridge on the River Kwai. I've read (listened to) the book in the far distant past, and I do prefer the movie's end to the book's (I've seen enough clips from the movie to know how it ends). Anyway, I plan to see this movie.

But I'm soliciting opinions from those in the know about another movie.

Many many years ago, back in the late Pleistocene '80s, I saw on the shelves of the local video store a movie starring David Bowie, called Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence. The description on the jacket looked very interesting, and I read good things about Bowie's performance in it.

But all these many years later, it's tough to find it in the stores. So my question to this vast audience, and in particular those who have seen this movie, is: should I expend lots of time and energy finding a copy of this movie? Or is it not worth the trouble? Call now, enquiring minds want to know!

Cue Ricky Nelson

With a hat tip to Ricky Nelson, here are a couple of beautiful China Dolls.

Next thing you know, Kraut will adopt a cute little Eskimo.

UPDATE: I am so stealing this gorgeous pic:


Suck it, kraut!

Stolen from Joel

Stolen from Joel, who is apparently 86% Welsh. My advice: Don't expect to collect a bet from him.

Anyway, despite my complete lack of Welsh ancestry (so far as I know), I scored fairly well:

You are 83% Welsh.

 

You are 100 % Welsh, but you are probably too drunk or stupid to have answered all the questions properly.

How Welsh are you?
Take More Quizzes

Well actually, I am 0% Welsh but I take tests well. Even if I've never read Dylan Thomas.

Genealogy Stuff

So I got an email, actually several, a couple of days ago from a contributor at Findagrave, asking me to add some relationship links for some folks I've added.

I thought, "Relationship Links? WTF?"

I did not know about these before, probably because I haven't paid enough attention to the memorials themselves. So I looked closer. Turns out that I can add a link from my mother to both of her parents, and to the Littlest Bro.

Not only that, I can link her to my Dad, and thence to his parents (well, his Dad, his Mom is not yet entered at Findagrave; my bad, can't locate the correct cemetery info at the moment). And I can link their parents to their parents, and so on and so on...

And having learned this exciting new information, I have added a number of other links for memorials I own there, and sent emails to other folks who have so kindly added other relatives. This is cool. I'm, like, totally stoked to learn this.

Update a few minutes later: Not to toot my own horn or anything, but in addition to actual relatives I've added others as well to the site, and have contacted people who have listed these folks at Ancestry.com. Got some responses and thanks too. This makes for good feeling, to help these folks in their searches for ancestral info. And if I haven't said it enough before, thanks to the people who helped me in my searches.

Quote of the day

From our beloved Ricki:

But it makes me sad to see that Russel Crowe now has bigger boobs than some of the actresses he might work with.

From your lips to God's gym, Ricki.

Quote of the Day

"Hell's Kitchen" is one of those shows that just doesn't interest me. I gather that Gordon Ramsey acts like a thoroughgoing prick even if, as I suspect, it's probably just a schtick for TV. But last night, while setting up something to record, the TV happened to be on that channel and I caught a few seconds of the show (or maybe it was a commercial for the show, not sure) and Ramsey had a great zinger that went something like this:

Ramsey: Where did you get that idea?

Student: I pulled it out of my ass [bleeped for TV, of course]

Ramsey: Well put it back, it sucks.

I don't care who you are, that's funny right there.

Breaking News Alert

Those playful high schoolers at the Sackatomatoes Bee are at it again. I just got this news update:

Breaking News Alert: Obama will keep his BlackBerry for personal matters

I'm sure we can all rest easy now.

Pet peeve

Damn this irritates me.

So I'm catching a few minutes of "Mythbusters" before I crash. Apparently Jamie's going to do a drunk thing, using a "Mythbusters"-labelled bottle that is rather obviously an over-labelled Maker's Mark. And the others are demonstrating that they golf like me.

Anyway, cut to a commercial. And a mispronunciation that irritates me no end, and I've heard it many times in illiterate commercials. "Real-tore".

It's NOT, dammit! It's "real't[schwa]r*.

*Sorry, don't feel like looking up how to render a schwa here. Suffice to say that onscreen it looks like an upside-down "e".

Quote of the Day

The Irish in me was offended, but got shouted down by the German, Italian, English, and French parts of me that said "shut up and have another drink".

Excuse me for just a moment...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I didn't watch the inaugural stuff

(Yes, I said only one comment but I couldn't resist)

So I hear that the Chief Justice flubbed a few words in the oath of office. How long until some nutjob claims that Obama isn't President because he wasn't sworn in correctly?

Countdown 5 ... 4... 3...

Quote of the Day

In an email update from eric of The Tygrrrr Express:

P.S. I am still less amazed by a black man being President than the Arizona Cardinals reaching the Super Bowl.

You and me both, man.

My one and only comment on the Inauguration:

It is a good day to be 3,000 miles away from D.C.

Quote of the day

And only slightly tasteless:

One minute he’s Lincoln; the next he’s MLK — last summer in Berlin he was JFK. Our next president shows an unhealthy identification with people who get shot, if you ask me, but that’s up to him.

Ouch.

More food blogging

For the Prof and Brian, who can actually cook.

Okay, so here's the recipe I used for the cream of artichoke soup. I'm not really much of a cook, so I'd appreciate any improvements you might make to the recipe. And before you give me any crap about it, yes I used some canned stuff, mostly from Costco. Like I said, I'm not much of a cook, I just muddle along. So mock me (gently) if you must, but it turned out pretty good. And yes, it's a huge amount of soup, but I kind of scaled it to the amounts I had on hand.

One large can (approx. 6 cups) Swanson's Chicken Broth
1/2 jar (approx. 32 oz.) Kirkland Signature marinated artichoke hearts (with marinade)
One medium onion, diced
Four tablespoons unsalted butter (Yes, Brian, I finally started using real butter)
Garlic (avert your eyes, cooks! I use Costco's bottled, chopped garlic, about a tablespoon, roughly equivalent to two wedges, I think)
One medium potato, peeled and sliced or chopped
Two cups whipping cream
White pepper

Oddly, no salt. I say oddly because I tend to overuse it but the marinade really made it unnecessary to add.

I put the broth and artichokes on early to simmer (not all of the broth, I reserved about 1/3 of it to refrigerate for later), then diced the onion and cooked it in butter until soft but not browned. Then I added the garlic and cooked briefly, then dumped it into the broth and let it simmer for a few hours.

About 1/2 hour before I wanted to pull it off the stove, I added the sliced potato. This probably could have gone in earlier without bad effect but I didn't think to add it earlier. You could actually make this without potato but it helps thicken the soup.

After the potato was cooked, I pulled the soup off the stove to cool for about 1/2 hour or so, then added the reserved, refrigerated broth. If you've ever tried to puree stuff just off the stove, you understand why I try to make it a habit to hold back some of the broth in the fridge to cool the soup before pureeing.

I pureed the soup and put it through a strainer. In the old days I'd have used the Osterizer but we got one of these a while back and it's really handy. As a side note, it's only been in the last year or two that I've learned to appreciate the value of pureeing soup. I used to just chop stuff very fine to avoid it, but it really makes a difference and it's worth the trouble.

I've made this basic recipe before but didn't strain it. Please do. No matter how well prepared, artichoke hearts always seem to have part of the choke hanging around and it's better to strain it out. Also, there always seems to be some potato or onion that doesn't get completely pureed the first time through the blender, so this time I put whatever didn't get well-pureed back into the blender. The soup was definitely smoother this time.

Soup went back on the stove to heat to just a bare simmer. Then I sprinkled it with white pepper and mixed it in, then added the cream. Two cups is probably much more cream than necessary but it's what I had on hand, and being a cheap bastard I used it all.

After heating for just a few more minutes I dished it up, and it was good.

If any of you, especially you people who can actually cook, can improve on the basic recipe, I'm all ears.

Food blogging

Sorta.

Tonight it's cream of artichoke soup, followed by pork chops and corn. Email if you want the recipes, such as they are.

Tomorrow, it's off to see Daughter Number Two in "Hello Dolly". Her part includes a scream. She's good at screaming.

Odd, trivial, who-gives-a-rat's-ass fact about me

I remember all the words to the "Petticoat Junction" theme song. At least the version used before Bea Benaderet died. And not only that, but I remember all the words to the them of "The Beverly Hillbillies", both opening and ending and including one of the sponsor themes added to the opening theme so many nights.

Strangely, I can actually reconstruct the chain of connections that led to this revelation. I can't usually do this.

First, Kate mantioned That Herbert Lom is still living. This surprised me some, especially since he was older (which I why I'd assumed he was gone) than the late Peter Sellers.

So after commenting, I looked him up to find out how old he was. Then I looked up The Pink Panther to be certain that I was right that Herbert Lom wasn't in it (on the chance that my recollection that he wasn't was incorrect).

While there, I saw the name Brenda de Banzie.

I remembered her from the movie The Purple Plain. When I watched it a few months back, I had had to look up the movie to be sure it wasn't Bea Benaderet, I could have sworn it was.

Anyway, that reminded me of Bea Benaderet and "Petticoat Junction". And that's also how I learned that Frank Cady is still alive. And he was even younger than Eddie Albert (never would have guessed that!)

And then I looked up some of the other great character actors that appeared on that show, like Rufe Davis, who played conductor Floyd Smoot on the Cannonball.

Damn, I'd love to look up the engineer on the Cannonball, but I can't remember that character's name. A little help here?

Oh good Lord and Native American bisexual crunchy feminist granola and all that stuff

Via the Dear and Sainted Emily comes this heart-warming story of a humble college meeting the modern world.

Oh dear, where to begin. Well, let's begin with their own description:

When you come to HSU, you can arrange to live in a residence hall organized around a theme. We call them "Special Living Communities." Special Living Communities give you a chance to hang out and learn for a year alongside people who share your interests.

Well isn't that spe-shull.

Actually, I kind of like the idea of having a "chance to hang out and learn for a year alongside people who share your interests".* Unfortunately, in Santa Cruz, libertarian-white-heterosexual-males-who-hunt-and-fish-and-roll-their-own-ammo were few on campus. Ah well, c'est la vie ("la vie").

Sadly for the crunchy new age types at Humboldt (Motto: "Whoaa!"), their reason for this rather contradicts the idea itself:

By living with others who are passionate about the same things, you can explore new ideas and truly examine your chosen area of interest.

So, um, how do you explore new ideas cocooned in a community that thinks the same way you do? Don't answer that.

Anyway, I was rather amused by the particular selection of "Special Living Communities" available.

Academic Intensive Living

The Academic Intensive Living community provides an atmosphere encouraging scholastic achievement and respect for individual academic goals. Extended community quiet hours help to create an environment conducive to studying. Residents living in Academic Intensive must have a minimum 3.0 grade point average.

Huh. Oddly, I really didn't expect to see this one on the list. It's so traditional to expect academic achievement in college. But it gets better:

The Art Colony

The Art Colony is offered for residents interested in an environment of artistic expression. This community is designed for aspiring studio artists, art historians, dancers, theatre artists, musicians and art educators. Participants will have unique opportunities to meet regional artists and to talk with art department faculty mentors. Activities will include trips to local and regional art gallery openings, art-making field trips, art film screenings, music recitals and community-based art and music projects. The Art Colony is offered in partnership with the Art, Music and Theatre, Film and Dance Departments.

Okay, again to be fair, Santa Cruz had an entire college devoted to the art students. That's cool. They even had great orgies from what I hear. No personal experience, of course. Elitist bastards.

Eco-Living

Eco Living residents will participate in creating a community centered on environmentally sustainable living. Residents will learn about environmentally responsible living through everyday activities and experiences and will work together to create educational events for the campus community.

Oh goody. Be still my heart.

This program is offered in partnership with established environmental clubs on campus, such as the Campus Center for Appropriate Technology, Green Campus, Sustainable Campus Task Force and Sustainable Entrepreneurs Network.

Rule of Thumb: Anything containing the word "sustainable" probably isn't. And its adherents almost certainly don't know WTF they're taking about.

Gender Neutral

Gender Neutral housing allows same gender roommates, opposite gender roommates or other gender-identity roommate pairings.

Jesus. STFU. Gender, or more accurately, sex ("Pronouns have gender, people have sex") is determined by equipment. I don't care how many ways you swing but, unless you have a second set, please quit trying to muck up the language.

The community is designed as an intentional living community affirming the cultural experiences of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex and questioning residents as well as their allies.

No breeders allowed.

Placements will be gender blind.

So if you're a lesbian paired up with a gay dude, you're just SOL I guess.

Health + Wellness

The Health and Wellness community is focused on living healthy and balanced lives. Through the exposure to diverse experiences and activities, this community seeks to foster a well-adjusted sense of mind, body and spirit. From meditation and Tai Chi, to nutritional and academic seminars, this living area will offer residents many tools to explore their own definition of holistic living.

So many hot-button, crunchy granola words here it's hard to know where to start.

Residents in this living area choose to abstain from the use of tobacco, alcohol and other drugs.

"and other drugs" - HA! My skinny white ass.

Indoor Adventure

Are you a gamer? An anime junkie? Do you secretly wish you were a superhero from your favorite comic book?

Um, no.

Indoor Adventure will bring together individuals who want to share these passions with others in a supportive community setting that establishes a balance between the virtual world and real world responsibilities (e.g., academics and personal connections). Residents will have the opportunity to network with various on-campus organizations including the Residents’ Official Board of Technology (ROBOT). Participants are encouraged to bring their consoles, comic books, anime collections and textbooks to the Indoor Adventure community. Open to casual and serious gamers alike from all academic disciplines.

I don't have an issue with gamers in general but I think that a "Living Community" organized around them kind of speaks for itself, don't you?

International Living

International Living offers an opportunity for visiting international students and U.S. students interested in cultural exchange to live together in the same apartment.

So, exactly how many of these students are you going to cram into this apartment? Maybe some of the "international" students are okay with that but somehow I suspect the middle-class white-breads from this country would get really pissy real quick.

Share in this cross-cultural experience and learn from students who are studying abroad.

How? You're here and they're abroad. Well, there's always the internet.

Movers + Shakers

Movers & Shakers community provides residents an opportunity to explore various forms of activism, including working toward a more socially just world.

Oh jeez, don't get me started. I don't have the time or energy for a post that long.

Native American Living

Native American Living is a community of residents interested in native culture and history.

As Emily says, it will be good for both of them.

Seriously, one of the very first things I noticed when I got to Santa Cruz, capital of the "let's pity the poor brown peoples of the world" mindset, was just how white the campus was.

Really, really, white.

'Nuff said.

Natural Resources Living

This community is designed to...

AW SHUT UP AND GO BE LACKEYS FOR THE ECO-LIVING PEOPLE you goddam sissified bunch of candy-ass greeni-wannabes.

Outdoor Adventures + Community Service

Huh? Oh, maybe they mean one of the programs like this? Nah, even I'm not drunk or high enough to think that.

The fall semester begins with an overnight retreat, providing an opportunity for residents to begin building their community and provide input on the activities for the year. Some examples of past activities include: assisting in a community soup kitchen, hiking, white-water rafting and a morning beach cleanup activity followed by an afternoon of sea kayaking.

So basically, farting around having fun, but sloppin' some soup on homeless peoples' plates and picking up some litter to make yourself feel good about it. Right, I got it.

Rhythm + Resistance

Rhythm and Resistance is a Hip Hop centered community.

God spare us.

Residents will explore and experience the five elements of Hip Hop culture in order to promote social responsibility and equitability.

Because Lord knows that Hip Hop promotes social responsibility and equitability, especially fo' yo' ho'.**

Programs and activities will be developed by residents to celebrate, study and critique the five elements of the culture:

Oh God, get ready for it.

emceeing,

Irk.

DJing,

Irk.

graffiti,

Jail them, or maybe just shoot on sight.

break dancing

Gaack.

and knowledge obtainment.

Really. You read that right. Someone actually used my tax dollars to pay some jackass to write the words "knowledge obtainment".

And in connection with Hip Hop, no less.

I want my money back.

Residents will share their regional knowledge of Hip Hop culture with each other.

Please don't. The world will thank you.

Women for Change

Hey, I know that broad! She hangs around on the Pacific Garden Mall! We used to call her Ratchet-Mouth.

The Women for Change community is offered to self-identified

???

women as a safe space to challenge and support each other in creating a more equitable world for all. Residents will have the opportunity to meet other women leaders to discuss feminist ideas, and women’s leadership in community, social and political movements from a multicultural

Put on your burqa, woman!

perspective. Activities will include trips to local and regional organizations that support and empower women; community based projects; an ‘issues’ discussion group; and more! This community is designed to foster a supportive environment for residents to take pride in being women from different backgrounds.

Put on your burqa woman! Before I stone you to death in a multicultural way!

21 + Older

This community is comprised of residents interested in living with an older group of residents. These areas are open to residents who are at least 21 years old when the residence halls open in the fall.

Now this is one I can get into! Twice over!

Realistically, not much of this stuff is new except in the sense of being actively supported and/or encouraged and/or sanctioned by the school. Hell, unlike Emily's fascist, puritanical school, our co-ed floors at Santa Cruz had co-ed bathrooms too. And even co-ed showers, if you were so inclined. Not that it did me any good :(

And I still don't see any "Living Communities" for white, middle-class handloaders.

* Yes, you read that right. I put the period OUTSIDE the quote. I dislike and REFUSE TO BOW TO the current "American Standard English" fad of putting the period inside the quotes when it doesn't belong there. I choose to follow the British practice here, and I am a man on a quixotic mission to change this vile perversion of this beautiful and expressive language. But I still stick with American spelling.

** Yes, I realize there is (ostensibly) a difference between Hip Hop and Gangsta Rap, but I choose to ignore it for the purposes of snarky comments.

Funny

One of those things that gets passed around by email, so I checked and sure enough, it (and related videos) are posted on Youtube.

"I'm a grandmother too. I don't have any jokes about it because they live with us and it's not funny." Heh.

"Liquor Store Eats Sporting Goods"

So Joel was curious about my "long story involving an eclipse and a potential drug bust". I suspect it was the "potential drug bust" that made him perk up his ears (eyes?), me being pretty much a non-druggie type and all. And so I will tell the story, such as it is. And such as I can remember it. It was the 70s, after all, and drugs were all the rage at the time. Well, not really among me and my then-cohorts, though we were attending UC Santa Cruz (Motto: "Huh?") at the time.

Turns out, there were a lot of people at the school interested in going to see the total solar eclipse (some of whom we actually saw and waved at on the road), which would be the last one visible on the North American mainland for several years, even decades, if the astronomers are to be believed. Not least of these wannabe-eclipse-watchers were me, the Sainted Bride (Sainted but not yet Bride at the time) and two friends, "Ian" and "Nanook" (not their real names, um, obviously).

So in advance of the eclipse we made our plans, including reservations at a campground at The Dalles in Oregon, which we chose as being right in the middle of the swath the total eclipse umbra would cut across the continent. We drafted out our travel plans, which included a quick stop at my family's ranch to borrow some camping equipment (we were poor college students) and visit briefly with my extended family, then cutting away from I-5 north of Redding to zip up US 97 past the Lava Beds National Monument (central to one of the most tragic and ironic American Indian stories of all time), to stay the night on the road, then continue past Crater Lake (to be ignored this trip) and on up to the Columbia River and Interstate 84, which we planned to take westward to the Dalles and our campground.

Nice plan. Didn't quite happen that way.

First off, out at the ranch I got stupid and took the crew on a road trip, off road on our private dirt roads. In the pink Jeep (so-called because it was more-or-less the old Crayola "Fleshtone" color). It was a very old Jeep of Korean War vintage (as my Uncle Jack used to say, it was worn out when he got it [1961] and worse now). Our good friend Nanook wanted to drive and he bounced it around on the rocks for far too long (and far too roughly for a worn out Jeep). Anyway, we FINALLY got back on the road. And couldn't find a good place to camp. So we continued on until we finally found a county park somewhere around the Klamath River in Oregon and crashed.

Lesson learned: 'Tis better to just go ahead and pitch a tent in February in snow than to try to cover yourself with a blanket in a car seat. Ian and Nanook slept warmer than SB and I did. Just sayin'.

Anyhoo, we woke much farther along the road than we'd expected to be at that time so the entire crew voted and decided that we could afford to take a side trip to Crater Lake. So we did. Again, nice idea, bad decision. We detoured off Highway 97 to see Crater Lake. We saw, through the fog and poor weather, about 15 square feet of the lake. Nonetheless, we bucked up, had some hot chocolate at the ski lodge, then hit the open road again.

Except the road from the lake back to Highway 97 was anything but open. It was ice-bound. In patches. We would put the chains on the car for a little while, then take them off for a while, then put them back on. The upshot? We wasted all (and then some) of the time we'd made up the night before, and finally hit the Columbia River about 10:00 that night at Biggs, Oregon. We tried to call our intended campground (another 50 or 60 miles away) but got no answer and were wondering what we should do when someone mentioned that the rule in Oregon (then, don't know if it's still true) is that you can just camp anywhere you want in public parks. So we parked in a county park on the bank of the Columbia, made us some Hot Toddies and Irish Coffees, then bedded down for the night.

Next morning, we got up and (since it was pretty crowded where we were) headed across the Columbia into Washington toward Goldendale. We picked a nice spot just off the road where we could park and watch the eclipse. It was a memorable experience. As totality neared, we saw a herd of cows begin to head for home because it was getting dark (hence, the reference to "moo"). We watched through Mylar plastic the entire spectacle. And as the totality ended and the (mostly) darkness began to fade, the cattle made a u-turn and went back to feeding.

Irony alert: After all our misadventures, we ended up at the only spot in the continental U.S. which was not socked in by fog or overcast (unlike many of our compatriots from UCSC and elsewhere). Even The Dalles, our original destination and to which some of our compatriots went, was socked in so that these folds saw little more than a darkening of the overcast sky. We had a magnificent view of the whole thing. Eat our eclipse dust, compatriots! [/schadenfreude]

And a good time was had by all us.

Almost. Now comes the potential drug bust part. See, we had California plates on the car. This, of course, is a MAJOR red flag in Oregon and Washington. And, of course, we were "stopped and frisked" by the Washington State Police. Well, no real frisking, but they did stop to talk to us and search the car. And unfortunately, Nanook (who owned the car) had a teeny-tiny little self-carved hash pipe. No dope, just the pipe. But it had been used at some point, as attested by the WSP's drug dog (as they helpfully informed us). Also unfortunately, Nanook had some prescription medicine in its plastic bottle, into which he had also tossed some aspirin (a "violation of federal drug laws" according to the WSP). But they were reasonable guys and after confiscating the hash pipe (and scolding us college students for alleged federal trangressions) let us go.

And down the road we went, back across the Columbia to I-84, thence west to I-5, and thence south to freedom. At sometimes breakneck speeds. And I learned that despite my proclivities for speed and speeding tickets, I was the slowest driver in the car (including the SB).

But the story doesn't end there, oh no. I still have to explain the title of the post.

It being a long trip, we needed to make at least one stop. And we did so in the booming metropolis of Weed, California. This was on a Monday night, at a small café just off I-5. It being a Monday night in the booming metropolis of Weed, this particular café had one hostess and one waitress on duty. Unfortunately, being the evening of the day on which HALF THE FREAKIN' STATE OF CALIFORNIA HAD GONE TO SEE THE ECLIPSE, this poor café was overwhelmed with all those nutjob Californians driving back from Oregon. We took pity on the poor, overwhelmed waitress and hostess and we helped to pour coffee and bus tables. Doing our good deeds, as it were. The good ladies did appreciate our help, but after several hours we really needed to say our goodbyes, fill up the Thermos with coffee, and hit the road again.

The Lovely Waitress took the Thermos back to fill it up, and a few minutes later came out to the hostess with a horrified look on her face, and said "I broke their Thermos." Poor gal was exhausted and ready to fall over, so we declined her offer of paying for it (being the decent folk we are) and went across the street to the general store to pick up a new one. This store had a large, lighted sign outside which read:

LIQUOR STORE
EATS
SPORTING GOODS

Pretty cool. Even got a mention (after sending it in, of course) in one of this guy's books. Well, the Lovely Waitress filled up our jug with coffee and profuse thanks, we headed on down I-5 again, making a brief stop to drop off to borrowed camping gear, and Let it Roll on Down the Highway. We made it home safely despite Nanook driving (thankfully while I was asleep, but I heard about it after) 80-90 MPH over Highway 17. Crazy bastard. But we still loves him anyway.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it. So how was your eclipse?

"Never put a snake in the bathtub without telling your mother"

Our good buddy Joel, after very kindly linking and adding to my "Sloop John B" post, offers up a video of the most famous kid's TV show of all time.

Well, most famous after The Great and Powerful Captain Kangaroo, of course.

Where was I? Oh yeah...

Joel's post reminded me of the TV programming I watched as a kid. I never actually saw "Howdy Doody". I remember seeing it showcased on "Happy Days" (not the first time I'd heard of it but the first time I ever saw Howdy or Buffalo Bob in actual TV existence). But it jostled some old synapses to recollect some of the TV I saw while growing up.

There were the Warner Brothers cartoons (most excellent!) and other such, but for the standard weekday fare, my fondest memories are of Sheriff John, which was a local show on KTTV (channel 11) in the LA area (I grew up in San Bernardino, so Ch. 11 was one of our standard channels). "Sheriff John" Rovich is apparently still living in Idaho, and I send my best regards to him for all the fun and joy he brought to us while I was growing up all those years ago.

Here is a "documentary" type video homage to the guy:



I don't know what you would call this, puppeteering I suppose, but it was one of the best features on his show, a segment called "Diver Dan". I got the biggest kick out of this segment. Another post for another time, but kids are often smarter than we give them credit for and I got all the jokes and allusions in "Diver Dan", not least of which was "the Baron" (a barracuda who speaks with a Count Dracula accent and wears a monocle) with his doltish sidekick.



Also, here's a link to another episode, which includes the theme song.

My most vivid memory of the "Sheriff John" show, though, was not on actual TV, but offline (as it were). My friend and I were watching the show and Sheriff John was welcoming a young lady (probably a birthday girl) into the studio. Sheriff John bent to welcome her and to shake her hand, and he said "Hi, Laura!". My friend's Dad had just walked into the room, and as Sheriff John said "Hi, Laura!", my friend's Dad said:

"Hi, Dirty Old Man!"

Heh.

Long day

Started off with MathCounts this morning, scoring and proctoring the city competition.

Then off to Costco, followed by the libraries (yes, plural) and bike ride.

And now, before making dinner, I get to sit down with a stein of God's Own Brew.

"Sea Kittens"?

Jee. Zuss. Dave, of course, has better stories.

Interesting

For the past few weeks, on my commute, I've been listening to James Patterson's Alex Cross series of detective novels (which include movies made from this one and this one). Very good series. Not that I've been listening in order, but I'm starting to do that now, at least for filling in the ones I haven't listened to yet, and once I fill in all the (available at the library) blanks I will go for the latest in the series, already available at the library on CD and having innumerable holds on it already.

Excellent series, BTW, I highly recommend it.

I've been meaning, but not getting around to, commenting on one particular thing about these novels that struck me early on. I read lots of novels told in the first person, and more (of course) in the first third [oops!] person. These books are an interesting conglomeration of both. Let me explain …

In any one of them, roughly half (at a guess) is told in the first person narrative of the main protagonist, Alex Cross. But whenever something outside of what he would be actually seeing/hearing/knowing, or which is meant to be from the primary perspective of one of the other characters, it's told in the third person. This is true sometimes even when Cross appears in the passages, and at these times he is described in the third person. Kind of an interesting juxtaposition of the two narrative styles. It doesn't swap the narrative styles chapter by chapter, commonly there will be a few chapters in one style, then a few in the other. But thw switches between the two is an interesting feeling.

What specifically prompted me to go ahead and post now (as opposed to whenever I get off my duff in the distant future) is the one I'm currently listening to. The first half, roughly, is told alternately as above in the two styles. The next (roughly a quarter? Not really certain just how much of the book it takes up, especially since it's an abridged version and I have no idea how much was brutally chopped from where) is also told in the alternating styles, but in this part the first person is a different person. Very interesting and jarring change in the storyline (especially in light of later happenings in the book). But no spoilers here about this change though, go read it for yourself (Please!).

I have no idea if any of the books in this series that I haven't yet read use this technique, nor if any of Patterson's other books do (I'm planning to start this series after I finish the Cross series, and just a few days ago learned that there is a TV series based on it - with Angie Harmon! WOOHOO!). No other books have ever used it that I've read. For that matter, no other books I've ever read deviate from either first person or third person narrative exclusively, but it's a pretty powerful method to grab and hold the reader's attention.

Bless his li'l pea-pickin', older-than-I-am heart

Our good buddy JeffS passed along this righteous Western Movie Theme:



Which, of course, led me to poke around to find this:



And this FINE PIECE OF HIGH ART:



And I'm not as fond of this song, but this is freakin' FUNNY:



Definitely watch all of them all the way through, too amusing for words.

Thanks for the great stuff Jeff!

Once again, I'm not sure how I came to think of this

But I got to thinking of "Sloop John B" this evening.

Here's the definitive version:



The Beach Boys said that the inspiration for their version was this one:



There are several versions available, you can click through the above to find them, and also to find the original story about the song. But meantime, here is another great version (and I never knew he covered it):

Sorry, Kate...

I'm not translating the gun-ese just yet. Perhaps soon. But in the spirit of encouraging another handloader (the Estimable JeffS), I thought I would list some calibers I have available to me. Not that I reload them all, they are just available for potential shooting.

Here are some that I do (or at least can) load for:

Pistol calibers:
.44 Magnum (though I tend to load to .44 Special velocities for regular shooting)
9mm Parabellum
(sadly not yet for my .45 ACP, but that may change soon)

Rifle calibers:
.280 Remington (several rifles of various flavors, but mostly semi-autos)
.243 Winchester
.244 Remington (which the modern world insists on calling the 6mm Remington)
.25 Remington (Grandpa's old Model 8)
and of course, the time-honored .30-'06

And now for some I don't (can't [yet]) load for, though I have probable access to them through extended family:

Pistol calibers:
.22
.45 ACP (but give me some time, I'm thinking about a Dillon progressive press, assuming enough cash becomes magically available)

Rifle calibers:
.250 Savage (AKA .250-3000)
.30-30 Winchester (not only a venerable Winchester Model 94, but a Savage bolt action)
7mm Remington Magnum (rebarrelled from what was originally a .300 Weatherby Magnum)
8mm Mauser (very cool, I may devote a post to this one sometime)
7.62x39mm
.300 Winchester Magnum (actually not completely sure about this one but I think there's one available)
.300 H&H Magnum (this one is also too cool, I may devote a post to it sometime too)
.338 Magnum (though my cousin's husband, a rather large fellow, says he doesn't like shooting it, which means that though I may have opportunity I may not take it, since he outweighs me by at least 130 lbs)

Hmm. Is that all? I guess so, at least for single-projectile firearms. But I also load for 12-gauge and 20-gauge shotguns (two different presses, shotgunning is a whole different ballgame) and have access to at least a couple of 16-gauge Winchester Model 12 shotguns, plus an odd, single-shot, lever-action .410 (and a snakecharmer in .410).

All in all, a very cool arsenal to play with. And I may have missed some... Oh, and for you thieves out there? Forget it. All are in mondo-gunsafes.

Hey, this stuff's good

IMR-4350. What did you think I was talking about?

I've been away from handloading for too long. Yeah, I loaded up some '06 ammo for the little bro a few months back, but otherwise it's been lean times at the loading bench. So today I started loading up some .243 ammo for my coyote rifle. Should have lubed the case necks better - I was out of case lube and had to go pick some up, but since these cases were already resized and capped, I thought I'd be okay.

Well, not quite, as it turns out, though it took a bit to figure out that it wasn't the case lube itself that was the issue. It was a couple of other things:

1) Since these were once-fired factory cases, the mouths were not beveled, as I normally do, and the bullet jackets were scratching a bit on the mouths. But that wasn't actually the main issue:

2) Somehow, I had set the crimping shoulder on the die too far down, not sure how, I had though the set ring was pretty secure and it seemed to be okay when I ran a couple of blank cases through it.

Bottom line: I accordioned the necks of three or four cases before I figured out the problem. I is a idjit, I guess, and should have figured out the real problem after one case.

But on the up side, it turns out I had more available .243 bullets than I thought I did. I still have some 70 gr. Speer MHP (since discontinued, it seems) from a few years ago. Also, I have an unopened (well, technically, unused, I've opened it to look inside) box of 65 gr. Hornady V-Max varmint bullets. But I ended up going with a recently purchased box of Sierra matchKing 70 gr.

But no matter which I had chosen, 45 grains of IMR-4350 would have been the load of choice - not too heavy, not too light, just a sweet middle of high-velocity shootin' goodness. And the 4350 is not only good for my .243, it's a sweet powder for the 6mm Rem, and for the ridiculously large numbers of .280 Rems in the family, and even for the little bro's '06.

Yea, verily, I sayeth unto you, on the seventh day God took a breather and invented IMR-4350. And it was good.

Hey, it's the last day of vacation and I have to go to work tomorrow. I'm allowed to get a little strange...

Lordy lordy, god in heaven

It's almost enough to make an atheist find religion. Just look at the incredible cast of talent in this vid:



Holey moley.

And tangentially related to that song:

God Bless Gene Kelly

The dude pulled it off. I wouldn't have believed it without seeing it, but he did.

I just finished watching this. Seriously, when I looked at the cover of the DVD and saw Gene Kelly's name, I assumed he MUST be playing Bertram Cates. Not so. He was playing E. K. Hornbeck. And I thought, NO FRICKIN' WAY. AIN'T POSSIBLE. I associate the Gene-ster with the stuff in this post, not with Hornbeck.

The Hornbeck character, as you know, was based on H. L. Mencken, and as you probably know, not only was Mencken a brilliant essayist and critic, he was also a class-A jerk. Which is why the casting of Darren McGavin in this version of Inherit the Wind was inspired. Also inspired, in that version, were Jason Robards and Kirk Douglas (Douglas, of course, for his ability rather than resemblance to William Jennings Bryan, of which Fredric March was an obviously better choice, albeit with a rather phony looking bald cap).

But Gene pulled it off. Major kudos, Gene. Also, major kudos to the other cast members: Fredric March, Spencer Tracy, Dick York, and the amazing supporting cast of great character actors whose faces (and sometimes names) I recognized. Harry Morgan, Ray Teal, Paul Hartman, Norman Fell, Claude Akins, Hope Summers, and of course, Noah Beery, Jr., Daddy Rockford.

What a great movie. See it if you get the chance.

"Give it to 'em in black and white"

Righteous. Louis Armstrong and Johnny Cash with a revival of a song that Satchmo performed with Jimmie Rodgers in 1930. Too cool:



And once again, I have forgotten why I went a youtubin' in the first place...

UPDATE: Just having some fun now, and remembering back to the heyday of the late, great KFAT radio. I've got the will, Lord, if you've got the toe:



MORE UPDATE: One of my favorite songs of all time:

Stream of conciousness

And we're talking really weird-ass stream of conciousness.

Okay, through the fog of beer God's Own Brew, comes this strange post. I can't really remember how it started, but it was pretty close to this:



That made me think of this:



And this:



But searching (and some old synapses from many many moons ago) made me think of this:



Well, actually, it made me think of the one without Stewie but I found that one first. Anyway, it also reminded me of this:



And of course, I couldn't possibly post this without this piece:



Dammit, Gene, you are so cool. Rest in peace, my man.

UPDATE: Dammit Dammit Dammit. I've been searching in vain for my favorite Donald O'Connor sketch, from "Singing in the Rain". Can't frickin' find it. Rats. But here are a couple of other sketches from that classic movie:





but if anyone out there can find the clip of Donald climbing the walls, please pass it on. It's a classic.

Name That Movie!

Sorry again Jeff. That last one was kind of tough. But if you ever get a chance to track it down, definitely do so. It's one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. "Therapeutic adultery" - What more need be said? Another great line from that movie: "Gay or straight, you're still a cunt." Heh. Very funny.

Meanwhile, here's a slightly easier question. Name the movie for which this was the theme:



This movie was most excellent.

CCFOAD

'Nuff said.

Fuck you, cancer. Just fucking die.

Aw, Kate P, you know we loves you sweetie

But Bowl Games is Bowl Games, and Ha Ha Ha! All is right with the world.

Name That Movie!

Yes, Jeff, it was intended to be easy. Perhaps too easy. Here's a tougher one:

"We are not pansies, we are bad dudes."

Heh. Eat my dust, Jeff!