Oh dear, where to begin. Well, let's begin with their own description:
When you come to HSU, you can arrange to live in a residence hall organized around a theme. We call them "Special Living Communities." Special Living Communities give you a chance to hang out and learn for a year alongside people who share your interests.Well isn't that spe-shull.
Actually, I kind of like the idea of having a "chance to hang out and learn for a year alongside people who share your interests".* Unfortunately, in Santa Cruz, libertarian-white-heterosexual-males-who-hunt-and-fish-and-roll-their-own-ammo were few on campus. Ah well, c'est la vie ("la vie").
Sadly for the crunchy new age types at Humboldt (Motto: "Whoaa!"), their reason for this rather contradicts the idea itself:
By living with others who are passionate about the same things, you can explore new ideas and truly examine your chosen area of interest.So, um, how do you explore new ideas cocooned in a community that thinks the same way you do? Don't answer that.
Anyway, I was rather amused by the particular selection of "Special Living Communities" available.
Academic Intensive LivingHuh. Oddly, I really didn't expect to see this one on the list. It's so traditional to expect academic achievement in college. But it gets better:
The Academic Intensive Living community provides an atmosphere encouraging scholastic achievement and respect for individual academic goals. Extended community quiet hours help to create an environment conducive to studying. Residents living in Academic Intensive must have a minimum 3.0 grade point average.
The Art ColonyOkay, again to be fair, Santa Cruz had an entire college devoted to the art students. That's cool. They even had great orgies from what I hear. No personal experience, of course. Elitist bastards.
The Art Colony is offered for residents interested in an environment of artistic expression. This community is designed for aspiring studio artists, art historians, dancers, theatre artists, musicians and art educators. Participants will have unique opportunities to meet regional artists and to talk with art department faculty mentors. Activities will include trips to local and regional art gallery openings, art-making field trips, art film screenings, music recitals and community-based art and music projects. The Art Colony is offered in partnership with the Art, Music and Theatre, Film and Dance Departments.
Eco-LivingOh goody. Be still my heart.
Eco Living residents will participate in creating a community centered on environmentally sustainable living. Residents will learn about environmentally responsible living through everyday activities and experiences and will work together to create educational events for the campus community.
This program is offered in partnership with established environmental clubs on campus, such as the Campus Center for Appropriate Technology, Green Campus, Sustainable Campus Task Force and Sustainable Entrepreneurs Network.Rule of Thumb: Anything containing the word "sustainable" probably isn't. And its adherents almost certainly don't know WTF they're taking about.
Gender NeutralJesus. STFU. Gender, or more accurately, sex ("Pronouns have gender, people have sex") is determined by equipment. I don't care how many ways you swing but, unless you have a second set, please quit trying to muck up the language.
Gender Neutral housing allows same gender roommates, opposite gender roommates or other gender-identity roommate pairings.
The community is designed as an intentional living community affirming the cultural experiences of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex and questioning residents as well as their allies.No breeders allowed.
Placements will be gender blind.So if you're a lesbian paired up with a gay dude, you're just SOL I guess.
Health + WellnessSo many hot-button, crunchy granola words here it's hard to know where to start.
The Health and Wellness community is focused on living healthy and balanced lives. Through the exposure to diverse experiences and activities, this community seeks to foster a well-adjusted sense of mind, body and spirit. From meditation and Tai Chi, to nutritional and academic seminars, this living area will offer residents many tools to explore their own definition of holistic living.
Residents in this living area choose to abstain from the use of tobacco, alcohol and other drugs."and other drugs" - HA! My skinny white ass.
Indoor AdventureUm, no.
Are you a gamer? An anime junkie? Do you secretly wish you were a superhero from your favorite comic book?
Indoor Adventure will bring together individuals who want to share these passions with others in a supportive community setting that establishes a balance between the virtual world and real world responsibilities (e.g., academics and personal connections). Residents will have the opportunity to network with various on-campus organizations including the Residents’ Official Board of Technology (ROBOT). Participants are encouraged to bring their consoles, comic books, anime collections and textbooks to the Indoor Adventure community. Open to casual and serious gamers alike from all academic disciplines.I don't have an issue with gamers in general but I think that a "Living Community" organized around them kind of speaks for itself, don't you?
International LivingSo, exactly how many of these students are you going to cram into this apartment? Maybe some of the "international" students are okay with that but somehow I suspect the middle-class white-breads from this country would get really pissy real quick.
International Living offers an opportunity for visiting international students and U.S. students interested in cultural exchange to live together in the same apartment.
Share in this cross-cultural experience and learn from students who are studying abroad.How? You're here and they're abroad. Well, there's always the internet.
Movers + ShakersOh jeez, don't get me started. I don't have the time or energy for a post that long.
Movers & Shakers community provides residents an opportunity to explore various forms of activism, including working toward a more socially just world.
Native American LivingAs Emily says, it will be good for both of them.
Native American Living is a community of residents interested in native culture and history.
Seriously, one of the very first things I noticed when I got to Santa Cruz, capital of the "let's pity the poor brown peoples of the world" mindset, was just how white the campus was.
Really, really, white.
'Nuff said.
Natural Resources LivingAW SHUT UP AND GO BE LACKEYS FOR THE ECO-LIVING PEOPLE you goddam sissified bunch of candy-ass greeni-wannabes.
This community is designed to...
Outdoor Adventures + Community ServiceHuh? Oh, maybe they mean one of the programs like this? Nah, even I'm not drunk or high enough to think that.
The fall semester begins with an overnight retreat, providing an opportunity for residents to begin building their community and provide input on the activities for the year. Some examples of past activities include: assisting in a community soup kitchen, hiking, white-water rafting and a morning beach cleanup activity followed by an afternoon of sea kayaking.So basically, farting around having fun, but sloppin' some soup on homeless peoples' plates and picking up some litter to make yourself feel good about it. Right, I got it.
Rhythm + ResistanceGod spare us.
Rhythm and Resistance is a Hip Hop centered community.
Residents will explore and experience the five elements of Hip Hop culture in order to promote social responsibility and equitability.Because Lord knows that Hip Hop promotes social responsibility and equitability, especially fo' yo' ho'.**
Programs and activities will be developed by residents to celebrate, study and critique the five elements of the culture:Oh God, get ready for it.
emceeing,Irk.
DJing,Irk.
graffiti,Jail them, or maybe just shoot on sight.
break dancingGaack.
and knowledge obtainment.Really. You read that right. Someone actually used my tax dollars to pay some jackass to write the words "knowledge obtainment".
And in connection with Hip Hop, no less.
I want my money back.
Residents will share their regional knowledge of Hip Hop culture with each other.Please don't. The world will thank you.
Women for ChangeHey, I know that broad! She hangs around on the Pacific Garden Mall! We used to call her Ratchet-Mouth.
The Women for Change community is offered to self-identified???
women as a safe space to challenge and support each other in creating a more equitable world for all. Residents will have the opportunity to meet other women leaders to discuss feminist ideas, and women’s leadership in community, social and political movements from a multiculturalPut on your burqa, woman!
perspective. Activities will include trips to local and regional organizations that support and empower women; community based projects; an ‘issues’ discussion group; and more! This community is designed to foster a supportive environment for residents to take pride in being women from different backgrounds.Put on your burqa woman! Before I stone you to death in a multicultural way!
21 + OlderNow this is one I can get into! Twice over!
This community is comprised of residents interested in living with an older group of residents. These areas are open to residents who are at least 21 years old when the residence halls open in the fall.
Realistically, not much of this stuff is new except in the sense of being actively supported and/or encouraged and/or sanctioned by the school. Hell, unlike Emily's fascist, puritanical school, our co-ed floors at Santa Cruz had co-ed bathrooms too. And even co-ed showers, if you were so inclined. Not that it did me any good :(
And I still don't see any "Living Communities" for white, middle-class handloaders.
* Yes, you read that right. I put the period OUTSIDE the quote. I dislike and REFUSE TO BOW TO the current "American Standard English" fad of putting the period inside the quotes when it doesn't belong there. I choose to follow the British practice here, and I am a man on a quixotic mission to change this vile perversion of this beautiful and expressive language. But I still stick with American spelling.
** Yes, I realize there is (ostensibly) a difference between Hip Hop and Gangsta Rap, but I choose to ignore it for the purposes of snarky comments.
12 comments:
That kind of "I am so fragile in my identity that exposure and interaction with others who do not have the same identity as me will damage me" mindset bugs me.
There won't be "special communities" on the "outside" and we all need to learn to be civil to one another.
That said? I would have WELCOMED an "extended quiet hours" floor to apply to when I lived in the dorm. I remember an awful lot of nights I had to decamp to the library in order to actually be able to hear myself think.
I will also say - not to be a total curmudgeon - that I can understand a special floor for people who are in recovery from addictions; booze and weed are awfully prevalent on college campuses. (And I suppose harder drugs are too; when I lived in the dorm mostly people drank to excess but a few of them smoked pot. I will say though watching the after math of a few beer binges convinced me that I had no interest in celebrating my 21st birthday in "traditional college style")
The thing that kills me about this the most is that HSU is always carrying on about how much "diversity" is valued. I actually enjoyed living around people with interests different than my own. It taught me to appreciate new things. I could have always retreated to the art quad or other places where there were geeks like me. But to say diversity is important and then break down the dorms into little pockets of cutesy identity groups? What a contradiction.
I get having buildings for nerds who like it quiet most of the time or 21 and over (that one was in place even when I was at HSU), but breaking it down this precious is laughable. Hey, it won't kill you to share a room with a jock or square.
"21 and over" was also in place when I was a student, but it seemed more like it was code for "We're old enough to get wasted, legally. And no, we won't lend you our ID."
(I'm not sure if Emily is saying "nerd" like it's a bad thing, but if it's nerdy to value being able to sleep without being awakened by the theme song from "Fame" at 3 am when your stupid drunken next door neighbor and her stupid drunken fellow Dance majors came back from the bars after they close, then call me a nerd.
And yes, I really lived next door to someone who did that. And she used to bitch and moan about how she was taking a "whole 9 credit hours" (I was taking 15 at the time, including two afternoon labs. I was not sympathetic))
I STILL can't hear the theme song from fame without starting to twitch and mutter like Herbert Lom in the old Pink Panther movies...
If I were a recruiter for ANYONE*, looking for potential employees with a good work ethic, the last place I would look is Humboldt.
*: Except maybe Hollywood, the DNC, the MSM, or anything that openly embraces this sort of nonsense. They wouldn't have hired me in the first place.
My mouth is still hanging open over the graffiti. If you legitimize graffiti, is it still graffiti? Or at least is it still interesting?
*Cough* Jeff...I went to Humboldt. Plenty of people did that weren't hippie dippy burnouts. Trust me, there are probably plenty of people up there mocking this stuff as well.
I guess you don't work in the fields of botany, fisheries, forestry or marine biology, because Humboldt's got one of the best programs in all of those departments in the country. In those fields, having a degree from Humboldt is better than one from Harvard.
And Ricki - I always mean the word "nerd" in a good way.
I figured you weren't, Emily.
And besides, if I reference Herbert Lom in a blog comment, I think that kind of automatically makes me a nerd.
More nerdy: Herbert Lom is still alive, and apparently just recently had a birthday.
Ooh, Jeff got spanked!
Kate, I immediately got the Herbert Lom reference. And I've never even seen any of the movies (at least not all of one). How nerdy does that make me? Especially since I know he wasn't in the original Pink Panther?
But I didn't know (and wouldn't have guessed) that he's still alive.
OMG Kate! You know who else is still living? Frank Cady. Who'da tunk it?
The reason I thought of him will be revealed in my next post.
I guess you don't work in the fields of botany, fisheries, forestry or marine biology, because Humboldt's got one of the best programs in all of those departments in the country.
Touche', Emily. I've heard the said of Berkley. And my apologies -- I did not intend to insult any alumni.
On the other hand, can you honestly tell me that academics at Humboldt, as a whole, hasn't suffered from this sort of brain damage? Are the natural science programs holding up the others? If not, what is the outlook here?
FWIW, I've seen similar (although not as goofy) muddled thinking at my own alma mater, which is why I stopped donating long ago.
"International Living"... Why are the words to "National Brotherhood Week" suddenly popping in my brain?
wv: faries. Now, would they go in the gender-neutral dorm?
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